Happy Birthday, Zook

Mama Tried, by Merle Haggard

The first I remember knowin' was the lonesome whistle blowin'
And a youngun's dream of growin' up to ride.
On a freight train leavin' town, not knowin' where I was bound
No one changed my mind, but mama tried.

One and only rebel child from a family meek and mild
Mama seemed to know what lay in store
In spite of all my Sunday learnin'
For the bad I kept on turnin' and mama couldn't hold me anymore.

And I turned 21 in prison, doin' life without parole
No one could steer me right, but mama tried, mama tried
Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleadin' I denied
That leaves only me to blame cause mama tried.

Dear old daddy rest his soul, left my mom a heavy load
She tried so very hard to fill his shoes
Workin' hours without rest, wanted me to have the best
Oh she tried to raise me right, but I refused.

And I turned 21 in prison, doin' life without parole
No one could steer me right, but mama tried, mama tried
Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleadin' I denied
That leaves only me to blame cause mama tried.

Happy birthday, Zook (David). You would have been 45 this year, and all of us in San Diego still cannot believe that you aren't here anymore.

I included the above song, Mama Tried, because you provided it to me on a tape you sent me of a Live Grateful Dead concert, circa 1971. At the time, I frankly did not pay a lot of attention to the tape, but, like most of the approximately one hundred tapes you gave me, I came to enjoy it over time, much like a fine old wine. In fact, I played this one so many times that (like so many of the other great tapes that you gave me), it wore out over time. However, I am happy to say that I found a copy of this song, and now I have a CD of this album, which I play all the time.

To me, this song is about two things: expectations and disappointment. I know that this song meant a lot to you. In fact, I think that you may have played it on your acoustic guitar the last time I saw you, in July, 2008.

I know that you had high expectations of yourself (and others), and, like me, you found that often reality did not meet your expectations. Like me, the profession you chose was not your first choice, but you simply shook off the negativity of not pursuing your original career option, and you instead found that you could build a successful working life and home life anyway. I think all of us go through the ups and downs of having high expectations and searing disappointments, and persevering through them, and I know you worked very hard in difficult conditions so that you could feed your family.

Let me give you a quick update on what you have missed, since I know, if you were still around, I would have heard your strong opinion about these things:

• The Padres--They have had an amazing year, since they were picked to finish last in their division, the National League, major league baseball, and, all in all, were in line to be probably one of the worst teams in the history of organized sports. At one point they were ahead by over six games over the Giants. I know that if you were here, you would have predicted their demise, and said the whole thing was a fluke, based on good pitching and a few timely hits and bounces of the baseball. And, of course, as the Padres seem to be burned out, and are now behind the Giants in the Western division, you would have been right.
• The Chargers-Yikes, if you had seen their first game in Kansas City, where they were ran up and down the field in terrible weather conditions, and were handily defeated by a team that they have owned for a long time, you would have laughed your head off and said, the Chargers suck once again. And, unlike me, you maybe could have watched their second home game against Jacksonville since, out in Dayton, Nevada, you would have had a chance of seeing a game that is being blacked out in San Diego due to crummy ticket sales.
• Music--I never realized, during your life, how much my sons Alex and Josh discussed music with you, in person, during the July 2008 cruise, and via email and blogging. The kids bring up, all the time, things that they went over with you about music. Recently, when we were discussing Subterreanean Homesick Blues, by Bob Dylan, the kids said they had discussed the version of this song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and you said that you thought it sucked. Josh regularly blogs about music, in his latest blog, which is, of course, dedicated to you.
  
• Your musical interests and knowledge were quite diverse and amazing, and you were always generous in taking the time and making the effort to provide me your mixtapes of probably up to a hundred different artists. Also, you had the creativity (and the courage) to regularly record new songs and make videos of them on You Tube. At your funeral, where the videos were playing on a screen in the front of the room, more than a few people were moved to tears as they saw your moving portrayals of your hopes, dreams, and joys.
• The Tea Party--You would not believe how these nut-jobs are all of a sudden winning primaries against established Republican candidates. I am sure that by now, you would have done extensive blogs and probably recorded some more songs about how those tax hatin', gun-tottin', immigrant despisin', extremists are now in a position to win some Congressional seats unless the country wakes up, in the general elections, to see how if these folks get in power, God help us (pardon the irony, Sarah P)

We lit a yahrtzeit candle last night, in your memory, David.

Thanks for all that you taught us, and for all of the memories we have of you.

Rest in peace.

Happy birthday, Zook!

Sugar Magnolia, by the Grateful Dead

Sugar magnolia, blossoms blooming, heads all empty and I don't care,
Saw my baby down by the river, knew she'd have to come up soon for air.

Sweet blossom come on, under the willow, we can have high times if you'll abide
We can discover the wonders of nature, rolling in the rushes down by the riverside.

She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need,
Takes the wheel when I'm seeing double, pays my ticket when I speed

She comes skimmin' through rays of violet, she can wade in a drop of dew,
She don't come and I don't follow, waits backstage while I sing to you.

Well, she can dance a Cajun rhythm, jump like a willys in four wheel drive.
She's a summer love for spring, fall and winter. She can make happy any man alive.

Sugar magnolia, ringing that bluebell, caught up in sunlight, come on out singing
I'll walk you in the sunshine, come on honey, come along with me.

She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need,
A breeze in the pines and the sun and bright moonlight, lazing in the sunshine yes
indeed.

Sometimes when the cuckoo's crying, when the moon is half way down,
Sometimes when the night is dying, I take me out and I wander around, I wander
'round.

Sunshine, daydream, walking in the tall trees, going where the wind goes
Blooming like a red rose, breathing more freely,
Ride our singin', I'll walk you in the morning sunshine.  Sunshine, daydream. Sunshine,
daydream. Walking in the sunshine.

Zook! Long time, no talk. You've been gone since March 27, but it's still hard to imagine a world without you in it. I just wanted to say hello, and wish you Happy Birthday!

I know that in my case, the thought of death is depressing, because I have always been concerned that the day after I die, a lot of great things are going to happen, which, due to circumstances beyond my control, I will have to miss. I have wondered what if the day after I die, the following things happen:

• The entire world becomes Jewish, and Hebrew becomes the official language of the universe.
• Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, and Joe Wilson will together be put into a kind of limbo/hell where they each can fight each other and act obnoxious, collectively, forever
• Infomercials become extinct.
• The San Diego Padres and San Diego Chargers go undefeated this year, next year, and forever.
• Stupid people are banned forever; (see you later, Sarah, Rush and Joe).

Anyway, Zook, here is a quick summary of what's happened since your departure:

• Joe Wilson? Just as stupid as the other stupid conservatives that were around six months ago.
• Everyone is going nuts about health insurance. The notion that the government may offer health insurance is causing the nut cases to come out of the woodwork, and accuse everyone who is for "the public option" of being a crazed Commie. Also, people are now convinced that the government will create "death panels" (thanks a lot Sarah) who will put Grandma and Grandpa to death, for no reason whatsover. I guess that health insurance companies are our friends now, and the big bad US government is our enemy. I know what you would say to that: Yeah, right. I now that I have had lots of experience with health insurance companies, and I find that all of them have one thing in common with all other insurance companies: minimize payments out, and maximize payments in. I have personal experience with a situation where Medicare paid for my wife's surgery, and my wonderful lovable health insurance company paid.....zero. Hmmm...who sounds more like a "death panel" now: the insurance company or the government?
• The San Diego teams? Same as before. The Padres are in last (or close to being in last), and the Chargers will probably, as you used to say, "choke" before they reach the promised land.
• Your family? Everyone looks like they are doing well. Your wife and daughter have spent some great quality time with your sister, and your Mom and Dad? They're like the Everready battery..they just take a lickin' and keep on tickin'..At last count, they have outlived Edward Kennedy, Dominic Dunne, and Michael Jackson.You might be surprised that MJ bit the dust, at age 50? Hey, the guy was injesting 40 Xanax a night, so now it would make sense to you.
• Rudeness--Everybody is getting more and more rude, Zook, but I guess you wouldn't be surprised about that. I'm sure you saw plenty of rudeness in your life, working as an insurance adjuster.
• The economy--It's probably gotten worse, since you were here, with unemployment up to 12.2% in California. We are all hoping it will get better, and at least, it looks like we are not going to be in a full-blown Depression, but finding jobs now looks really difficult, and should be for some time.

Anyway, Zook, I just wanted you to know that we are all thinking of you, and we all miss you.

Love,

Your older brother